All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
