turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
