never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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