my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
