I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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