why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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