I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
