Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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