I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
