whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
