It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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