Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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