I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I only lived at night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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