Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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