i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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