I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize