It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
