I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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