At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
