I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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