Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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