Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
