There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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