Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
