Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
