I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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