Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
