filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
