She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So much rum. So many feels.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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