sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
