Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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