Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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