I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
