11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
