so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
