Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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