I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
