i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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