Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
