And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize