Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
