dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
