He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
