How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
