Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
