Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
