My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's never too late to be topless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
