She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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