I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize