So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
