Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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