Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
