last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
