New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
