just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
