sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
