addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
