did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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