my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
