Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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